Save me, kill me... |
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
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Just came back from school. Schools seems to be more and more meaningless to me. Nothing seems to be right for me. A series of unfortunate events just keeps on coming and I am starting to be more and more pessimistic. No point for being too optimistic when everything just keeps on to be negative in the end. Some times I wonder, would I change into a totally different person? I am changing already, things just don't seems right for me.
Sorry for being too aggressive in the previous post. I don't mean to scold anyone like this. I just wanted to release some of my stress so just took someone as a scapegoat. He is doing his job and I am not doing mine. Maybe I should put in a little more effort but where can I find effort?? How do I find Effort when my Hope is already Lost.
The section head spoke to me about my result today. He understand my situation and he is going to find the course manager and talk about it hoping that they can get a retest for me. But deep down inside, I know it wasn't going to happen. Nothing good will come for me right now. Is like someone laid a curse on me or what so ever. It's just not going to happen.
People always tell me, "Not to worry, God will help you." I am not really of a believer but I do wonder who or why someone or something is playing a prank on me giving me such miserable life. If 'God' really do help, then I am I getting this kind of misery? I didn't kill anyone or done anything wrong, why me? Is it because I was a real jack ass my past life or what? Or is it just my destiny? I can't be the prom king, I can't be the 1/4 back. What am I? What am I suppose to do God oh mighty.
If I got to choose where I want to go, Heaven or Hell, I will like to go to Hell. I don't think the worst place to be is Hell. The worst place to be should be Heaven. Heaven is the place where 'Gods' choose how you got to Live or Die. I don't want to be the one choosing people's fate. It makes no different being a murderer. I would rather be a humble soul living in Hell.
Somebody please save me... If not, kill me....
~Cheng Kim Wee, 3:37 PM |